Hello, everyone, and thank you for coming to my TED Talk, A Safe and Effective Method for Discovering Small Cuts and Abrasions In the Human Hand Using Only Fresh Bacon (Or: The Perils of Grabbing Greasy Things, Part VIII).

We've got some extra time today, so I will also be including a bonus module on Wilbur's Revenge: How to Stab Yourself and Others (But Mostly Yourself, Let's Be Real) with Extra Crispy Bacon.